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5 Valentine's Movies That Are Not What You Think

5 Valentine's Movies That Are Not What You Think

Tired of predictable romantic comedy clichés?

  • Couples meeting with head bumps in clumsy situations
  • "You had me at hello"
  • The montage showing a regular unnoticeable girl becoming the next prom-queen.

One can only take so much pastiche...

What about something a little different? 

1 - Valentine (2001)

Maybe one of the most obvious suggestions, because, you know, it’s called “Valentine". This slasher film stars some of the most promising stars of its time such as David Boreanaz (who you might know as “Bone’s sidekick and love interest”), Katherine Heigl, Denise Richards. Just like nu-metal, or cargo pants, this movie will forever exist as a document of the early noughties. By the way, what are Denise Richards and Katherine Heigl doing these days?

2 - My Bloody Valentine (1981)

This one comes from Canada and tells the story of a group of teenagers who decide to throw a Valentine's Day party only to incur the vengeful wrath of a maniac in mining gear who begins a murder spree. The 80’s were a great era for slashers and gratuitous gore, so much that My Bloody Valentine is infamous for having had 9 minutes cut by the MPAA due to the amount of violence and gore. Fun fact: Neil Affleck (not related to Ben and Casey), besides playing the lead role, worked on The Simpsons from 1994 to 2007, animating 52 and directing seven episodes.

3 - The St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Make way for one of the greatest independent directors of all time, Roger Corman, who was given a $2.5 million budget, but ended up filming it for $400,000 less. The St. Valentine's Day Massacre is a 1967 gangster film based on the 1929 Chicago mass murder of seven members of the Northside Gang on orders from Al Capone on (you guessed it) Valentine’s Day. Fun fact: Jack Nicholson has a bit part as a gangster.

4 - Hospital Massacre

Back to slashers! Adam Tyner of DVD Talk called it “slasher junk food,” which sounds awesome, and in-tune with Jeremy Wheeler’s of AllMovie opinion “zero plot and a bloody fun time.” But what does it have to do with Valentine’s Day, you might ask. Well, In 1961, an unpopular boy named Harold leaves a Valentine's Day card at the home of Susan Jeremy. Susan and her friend David mock and crumple up the card. Nineteen years later Susan goes to the Hospital, and you can pretty much do the rest of the math. On this “kind of” trailer, you can get the best of two worlds: B-movie gore and Sisters of Mercy music.

5 - Picnic at Hanging Rock

Australian director Peter Weir holds an outstanding filmography under his belt with critically acclaimed and commercial hits such as Master and Commander, The Truman Show or Dead Poets Society. During a rural summer (because in Australia) picnic on Valentine’s Day, a few students and a teacher from an Australian girls' school vanish without a trace. What might have happened to the girls remains a mystery to this day. Included among the "1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die", edited by Steven Schneider.